she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
