just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
