"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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