I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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