Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
