i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
