We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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