Pappa wants mamma naked
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
