You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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