I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
