my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My cat gives me a boner
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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