this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
