They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
