help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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