I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
