I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
