Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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