it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
