I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Randomize
