Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
