After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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