Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
