"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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