I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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