She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it's like heaven, but drunker
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
