I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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