Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
