I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Your cock deserves a montage
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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