oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
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I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
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Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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