Pappa wants mamma naked
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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