so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
whose ass print is on the piano?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
