ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Welp...herpes.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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