i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
