Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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