Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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