please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
