I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
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Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
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it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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