Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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