ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize