The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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