I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
