I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
