I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
