Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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