the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
