i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
