saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
