Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
