Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
