Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize