After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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