i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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