Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
