Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
