Your face is a jimmy john
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
