I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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