Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
