she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
