i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
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He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
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She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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