i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
