; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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