I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
