guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
