I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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