is your mom at the bar?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
