The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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